Starting this coming Tuesday, I will officially be a working mom. On Tuesday of this week, I decided to take an application to a local consignment store that I knew was hiring "just in case". Well, when I got there, the owner just happened to be there too. She asked me if I had time to sit down and talk with her. Of course, I said yes.
So, we headed to her office and she told me that the other applicants had already been through 2 interviews. She decided to catch me up and do both interviews right then. So, we sat and talked for a little bit. I knew things were going well and she seemed to like me. It also was very evident that the job description fit my personality well. All of this should have made me excited, but...
it didn't. I left the store actually feeling scared... scared that I was going to get the job. The reality of it all started to sink in and I realized I wasn't so pumped about the idea. This job was going to change a lot more than an adjustment to our schedule.
It wasn't 5 hours later that she called me and offered me a job. What?! Oh, I wasn't ready for that yet. I was on my way out the door when she called, so once I got in the car...
I called my mom. She has this magical way of asking just the right questions to pull the tears out of my eyes. As I talked to her about my hesitation, I just started crying. I didn't like the thought of leaving my kids. For now, they will be home with daddy (while he continues looking for a job). But, what about the future? What if I decide I like this job? What if I'm good at it and I can move up? Is that really what I want right now? What happens with school? Am I still going to be able to teach this year? So many questions were reeling through my head.
So, I sat in my car and had a good cry by myself.
Then, I got home and needed to talk to my husband. I needed to explain everything I was feeling but not make him feel guilty or change our decision for what we needed to do. I thought I already got my good cry out earlier, so we should be able to talk about this rationally. WRONG! That good cry earlier was just the pre-cursor to the "ugly cry". I don't know how many of you are familiar with that, but it is the "I can't talk, I sound like an idiot, my chest is heaving" cry. I'm pretty sure my husband was in a state of shock. I also realized that what I really was struggling with here was a change in my identity. I've been a homeschooling, stay-at-home mom for almost 10 years. Now, with no time to blink, I am a working out of the home mom. I know lots of people do this. But, now that I was up for the title, I didn't want it.
Still, we talked our way through all the pros and cons and decided that it was NO coincidence that the owner just happened to be there and had the time to interview me immediately. It was NO coincidence that I happened to NOT have my children with me while running errands. Nope, God knew what he was doing. So, yes, I accepted the job the next morning. I will be working 20-40 hours a week. I am doing much better today. I'm not exactly excited yet, but I'm not so sad either.