Friday, July 17, 2009

Working Hard for Her Money!

Starting this coming Tuesday, I will officially be a working mom. On Tuesday of this week, I decided to take an application to a local consignment store that I knew was hiring "just in case". Well, when I got there, the owner just happened to be there too. She asked me if I had time to sit down and talk with her. Of course, I said yes.

So, we headed to her office and she told me that the other applicants had already been through 2 interviews. She decided to catch me up and do both interviews right then. So, we sat and talked for a little bit. I knew things were going well and she seemed to like me. It also was very evident that the job description fit my personality well. All of this should have made me excited, but...

it didn't. I left the store actually feeling scared... scared that I was going to get the job. The reality of it all started to sink in and I realized I wasn't so pumped about the idea. This job was going to change a lot more than an adjustment to our schedule.

It wasn't 5 hours later that she called me and offered me a job. What?! Oh, I wasn't ready for that yet. I was on my way out the door when she called, so once I got in the car...

I called my mom. She has this magical way of asking just the right questions to pull the tears out of my eyes. As I talked to her about my hesitation, I just started crying. I didn't like the thought of leaving my kids. For now, they will be home with daddy (while he continues looking for a job). But, what about the future? What if I decide I like this job? What if I'm good at it and I can move up? Is that really what I want right now? What happens with school? Am I still going to be able to teach this year? So many questions were reeling through my head.
So, I sat in my car and had a good cry by myself.

Then, I got home and needed to talk to my husband. I needed to explain everything I was feeling but not make him feel guilty or change our decision for what we needed to do. I thought I already got my good cry out earlier, so we should be able to talk about this rationally. WRONG! That good cry earlier was just the pre-cursor to the "ugly cry". I don't know how many of you are familiar with that, but it is the "I can't talk, I sound like an idiot, my chest is heaving" cry. I'm pretty sure my husband was in a state of shock. I also realized that what I really was struggling with here was a change in my identity. I've been a homeschooling, stay-at-home mom for almost 10 years. Now, with no time to blink, I am a working out of the home mom. I know lots of people do this. But, now that I was up for the title, I didn't want it.

Still, we talked our way through all the pros and cons and decided that it was NO coincidence that the owner just happened to be there and had the time to interview me immediately. It was NO coincidence that I happened to NOT have my children with me while running errands. Nope, God knew what he was doing. So, yes, I accepted the job the next morning. I will be working 20-40 hours a week. I am doing much better today. I'm not exactly excited yet, but I'm not so sad either.

24 comments:

Mariette said...

Praying for you and your family.

Nanda said...

It is a hard decision to make.. but you are absol correct - God knows what he is doing :) Keep the faith - you are not doing this for selfish reasons.. you are helping your family..

amanda said...

Crap!!! You are going to make me be nice to you - I hate being nice - I'm sorry you got a job, but you have such a great personality and for some reason people like you and like to be around you - you are going to do a terrific job - they are lucky to have you - and now I am going to be sick from all of the niceness.
love amanda

Sheridan said...

This post really got to me. I know all about the "ugly cry."

Good luck and God bless.

Julie said...

It sounds like all-God to me! I think it's great, you have a great personality and will be great at the job, I'm sure of it!
Praying for you,
Julie :)

Kelly said...

Congrats on the job! We all go through this. When we have been at home as a SAHM for SO long, those emotions are very raw! I cried like a baby, second guessed myself, wondered what it, and went through a grieving process. I feel sincere fear when I think I need to get a job. Girl, you will be fine and have the best support system behind you! (Is it once upon a child?)

Andrea said...

What kind of discount do WE get????

Jamie Nalley said...

Cass, I am so proud of you.. I know it is so hard when our circumstances change. But who knows what God has next. This sounds like an exciting (i know scary too) but exciting change for you and your family. I bet your boss feels like she hit the jack pot having been there the same day as you!! I can't wait to hear more on how this goes.
Love you, Jen

Anonymous said...

God always has a plan - even if it's not what we thought it might turn out to be. Your blog inspires me every time I read it and I know that God can use you in any situation. You are blessed.

brooke said...

whew- that's heavy! I was hanging on to all of your emotions in this post. I know that change can be a scary thing. I'm praying for you. We will be away a little bit longer, but I would love to have the your kiddos hang out with us, when we get back....

Less is More said...

I was in the exact same situation recently. I quit my job to go back to school. I felt like I had lost my identity because I had always worked. It was very hard at first to realize that these "titles" we give ourselves are just that, nothing more than names. You will always be a mother who homeschools. You are just going to do other things as well. You children will see you in a new capacity, and it will give them a news perspective on your depth. This is an new phase in your life - embrace it and cherish it. Everything in life happens for a reason.

Anonymous said...

Cassie,

This will truly be a growing time for your family. I have been where you are and know how it feels. I still struggle with working, but I know it is what our family needs right now.

Dianna

mommyhastowork said...

things always happen for a reason, even if we're not sure at the time.
congratulations and good luck!!

Less is More said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hjKY568Rpa0&feature=channel

This is a video by Dido. I was listening to her tonight, and it made me think of your post.

Thrifty Florida Mama said...

Oh Cassie, thanks so much for sharing this all to personal and real story of how hard change is. God is in control, you know that, and He will see you through it all and He already knows the outcome of your faithfulness and willingness to conform to His plans for your family for this time. Praying for a smooth transition for you, your husband, and your children.

Angie

Kelly said...

I'm so proud of you for crying twice in one day, and then admitting it to the world on your blog! Wow - God wants to do a work there. I'm excited for your kids to get some good dad time in too. I can't wait to hear what God has in store for you guys. I hope this won't interfere with the coupon blogs though :)

Cassie - Homeschooling Four said...

Thanks for all the encouraging comments. Doing much better today.

Valarie Daly said...

Hey Cass, Just wanting to tell you that I love you and to trust in HIM who loves you and your family the most. It stinks being a working mom, but I was, and am thankful to GOD for providing a job for me when Dan lost his in 2005. It was suppose to be a "temporary" job and now 4.3 months later I'm still there. God knows my hearts desire to be a stay at home wife and mother, and for now he has other plans for me. So I continue to go into my job and ask him each day on my way there "So, what do you have for me today , Lord?" Love, Ya a bunch!

Valarie Daly said...

I meant 4.3 years :-)

Anonymous said...

Hello..
I completely can relate to your feelings. I have been a stay home mom for more than 11 years and only worked at part time jobs before that. When I did work my husband stayed home with my kids. My kids are now all over 18 and one of my sons passed away. I never regret a day that I was home with my children.

The whole time I was reading your post I was thinking that God opened that door for you. It's very obvious because it happened so quickly. I agree with the other poster that your children will get some "daddy time" now. That's not a bad thing! Just take it one day at a time and God will show you the way. Maybe, he is leading you to that job so that one day you can open your OWN thrift store. By following your blog, I know that you would be great at it.

For the past 10 years I have work at home with online jobs. I have my dream job now. You can look here for a list:
http://www.stay-home-income.com

Take a deep breath. We are all praying for you!

Jennifer C said...

Wow Cassie...I'll be praying for you as you transition to this new phase. Hugs from Texas...;)

Growing Small said...

Cassie - watch, there is a blessing in this job for you :) - God works in mysterious ways - I'm keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

Flamingo Mama said...

cassie,
wow...i can't imagine what a hard decision that must be! i cry thinking about working once again in a couple of years too! however, it does sound like this is exactly a plan from God. And this isn't necesarrily your new normal. It's just your normal for NOW. who knows what job your hubby may find...and maybe you will end up liking working parttime.

a consignment store does sound like a blast, but i probably would eat up all my profits in buying what comes in!

Leslie said...

Amazing that I found this blog and this post, specifically. Same thing happened here - and like you, when I got the job, I walked outside and was shaking head to toe, trying not to cry. It was very difficult. I am always haunted by the feelings that me working is "wrong" - but what you said about God always proving, though it often doesn't look the way we think it will, really hit home. Thank you for the encouragement!