Tuesday, December 16, 2008

I'm Sorry

It's a humbling experience to apologize to your children. I know, I have to do it a lot!

Today started out stressful. I have a plate full of stuff to accomplish for the day and not enough time to do it.

One of the things on my list is taking my kids to the dollar store so that they can buy Christmas presents with their own money. They have been asking to do this for a while now and I keep putting it off. So, I decided today would be the day.

So, I selflessly started looking for Christmas presents for my kids on ebay because of my recent great sales. While I was searching and searching and searching, I had given my children 1 instruction...
"Get ready for the day and clean your room." So, as my ebay buying came to a close, I heard the girls talking about the dog getting out. In case I haven't said this before, my dog makes me crazy!! If he is ever alone with the kids and has a chance to run away, he WILL! And, so he did.
So, I head down the stairs to chase down the dog (not an easy feat).

I realize as I am heading out the door that not only have my children neglected to obey either of my instructions, they also have made a complete mess of the back porch. And, the stress rises.

After some dancing with the dog, I finally catch him, beat him and head home. The entire 5 miles (hey, that's what it felt like) home, I am brewing over the facts. I am now running late to run the errands I need to run, I am furious at my stupid dog and I cannot believe my children have done nothing they were told. This is what I like to call "The Mom Perfect Storm!". Now, I know I still have the ability to control my emotions and reactions. I'm not saying losing my temper is o.k. or acceptable. I'm just saying, it was sure easy to lose it.

So, I walk in the door, throw the dog in kennel and start speaking in a loud voice. O.k., o.k., I was yelling. I was yelling things like, "Why should I do anything fun for you?" and "Do you know what I've been doing on the computer all day? Looking for presents for you!". I was mad, I was completely stressed out and my kids were crying.

I headed up to my room out of frustration and tried to cool off a little. It wasn't long before Avery was knocking on my door and apologizing through her stream of tears. I wasn't exactly ready for reconciliation, but I sure got ready quick.

I knew I had blown it and needed to ask for my own forgiveness. It really is not easy to ask your kids to forgive you. I don't like being wrong in general. But, especially not to my 9,8 and 6 year olds. So, Avery and I worked our way through everything and not long after, Sydney headed in my room with an apology note. We finished talking right about the time Morgan came in with an "I'm sorry" letter.

They each only had to apologize once. I had the great privilege of saying "I'm sorry. Will you forgive me?" 3 times. I could list the many reasons why I shouldn't have to say sorry to my kids and what they did to "make me" so mad. But, if God does nothing else with kids, he sure teaches me so much about my own sinfulness. It's a sobering experience.


Aimee said...

You are not alone! Many a time have I had to do the same thing. It's hard especially around this time of year to stay stress-free! Hope your day gets better and you get all of your errands done!

Jaime said...

Whew Girl! That's a pretty humbling post. You just opened up and let the honesty vomit out, didn't ya? Good job! Apologizing to our kids sure feels yucky! I wish I didn't do things to ward an apology. But, the older our kids get, the more "I'm sorry's" from mommy will be letting loose. Gotta love it!

Sherill said...

Thanks for sharing Cassie. I thought it was sweet how each of the girls had their own way of apologizing. You can drop them off at my house anytime to play while you do your errands. Bella & Noah would love that!

Kari said...

I read something about New Years resolutions the other day and one was "I will not throw a temper tantrum when my kids misbehave." I just laughed, it is so much easier than self control. We have all been there and thanks for being real. And it's so important to show your kids that adults mess up also!

Amy said...

Been there - many times. Glad I'm not the only one!

Jackie Sue said...

Yea God! He loves the humble heart. Just say I'm sorry a lot and get used to it...practice in the mirror :) You are going to continue to need those words and to seek forgiveness and the sooner you get it, the better. Makes life and relationships tons easier. AND the more you say it, the more your kids will learn to say it and the better for their future families one day. Love you!

Ruth MacC said...

Every single saved parent has to do this...

It gets easier... I hope!

Brandi said...

Hey, I kept meaning to come back to this post and comment. Thanks for writing this. . it was a good reminder to me and I thought of it as I was apologizing to my kids on the way to church this morning.

Love ya,