Friday, June 3, 2011


is a word that we all can relate to. although, it can take on so many forms.
there is physical loneliness when you truly are isolated from the rest of the world.
there is emotional loneliness when you feel alone even with loved ones around.
there is spiritual loneliness when you allow your soul to drift away from God.
there is loneliness in specific areas of your life when you feel like no one else understands what you are going through.
there is loneliness in the loss of life of someone you love.
there is loneliness in the loss of friendships that have been instrumental in your life.

right now, mine is where i am in life. i have been here before. i started having kids very early in our marriage (i was only 21 when the first one was born). all my friends were still going to college or waited several years before starting a family. the first 5 years of my kids life felt very lonely. i couldn't just drop everything and go like everyone else i knew could. while other's talked about their careers and school, i was changing poopy diapers and pregnant.
as my kids grew, things got easier. my last was on his way while everyone else was just getting started. but, they were all pre-school and i started homeschooling, so our lives meshed well.
now, my kids are older. i am still homeschooling. most of the people i know will have their kids in school next year. i am beginning to get involved with the youth group at church while my friends are just getting started with elementary school. i don't have any friends my age with kids my age. i don't have any friends that i can do school with or play hookie and head to the beach with.
i was watching home movies yesterday and i was overwhelmed with sadness at how many people in the videos are no longer part of my life or my children's lives. i know change is inevitable. i know i shouldn't expect things to always be the same. but, right now i am mourning over the loss. and, i am nervous about the future. i don't want to look back 10 years from now and feel the same loss over the people who are part of my life now.

i know the truth and i know that God has plans for my family and for me that are far greater than i know. i have to choose to trust him even when loneliness looms overhead.


Kelly said...

so proud of you being vulnerable. I'm free to play hookie after August :)

Largaespada Family said...

HUG HUG HUG HUG HUG!!!!! I don't like hearing about you being lonely! I refuse to be a part of one of those relationships. I love you like crazy! These journeys are quite tough this year and I am fighting along side you to ask Jesus to reveal His plan and make us stronger (and closer to each other) in the process. The changes are worth the mourning, you are absolutely right. It is a sad thing. And as much as I want to fix it for you, I know I can't. Know that I love you and hear your heart and grieve those old losses with you.

Here's to new a season that will bring unexpected and unexplainable joy!

Jaime :)

Flamingo said...

aww..hugs to you. i have been there myself and it doesn't feel good. for me, I know that God has allowed me to have gone through these periods of loneliness because I am really quick to pick up the phone and call a friend for advice instead of talking with God forces me to relate with him instead.

God can bring one new family to your life to fill that void.

Ali said...

that was beautiful. i pray you find blessings in every phase of your life... even the lonely ones.

Kristen said...

As I read this I teared up because in some ways I'm where you were at 10 years ago. I started late :) Your journey has been an encouragement to me.
As long as you and each one of your amazing older daughters are willing to help with one of my crazy little boys, I'm always beach game :) I love you!

Robert said...

I have been here my whole life. I married at 20 years old had babies starting at 24 got divorced at 40 remaried at 42 married into a way older family so haven't fit in with any groups my entire life. It does make for way lonely times.
My first Grandson was just born and now I'm 60 most of my friends grand kids are almost teens or at least nine or 10.
I loved having and raising my four children but my cycle in life was off.
Now my ex keeps my children in fear of speaking to me so I never see them.