Foster Care Awareness Month

Although my family is not a Foster or Adoptive family, it is very dear to my heart. I have several cousins that have been adopted domestically and internationally. Growing up, it was always part of my life. I love adoption and I love how God has used this to bless so many families in so many ways. I also have watched friends walk this journey and have been so awe struck by the process.
Jessica is one of those friends who has invited me along for the amazing adventure. I have been so fortunate to have a friend who allowed me to be part of the details that many adoptive parents  think "non-adoptive" families don't want to know about or think they will not understand. She has allowed me to cry and laugh with her and to know about the paperwork and fingerprints. Even when I didn't understand, she was patient enough to explain.
I am a doula and am extremely passionate about bringing children into this world. Jessica has allowed me to witness a different form of this by allowing me to walk beside her bringing her children into her family. The gift of adoption truly is like watching a mother give birth.
You see her go through the waiting and waiting of "paper pregnancy" (a much longer gestation period).
You see her read book after book to prepare for the arrival of the new life.
You see her go through the pains of labor as she does visit after visit and has to continually leave her child behind.
You see her overcome with the relief of birth as the judge finally says, "He/She is yours."
And, you see her struggle through the postpartum blues as the reality and hardness of motherhood settles in.
It's a hard journey and not one intended to walk alone. I have been more than blessed to walk this journey with Jessica. I love her and her children. I love that I am "Aunt Cassie".
I love the beauty of adoption and the example it is of how God had adopted each of us.

Yearly Letter (or so I call it) 2011

It's March. I can hardly believe it, but it is. I try to keep up with all the balls in the air, but this blog is the one that drops. I really do like to write an annual letter. I like to look back and reflect on the year and all that God did in it. I want to be able to have a recap of my life at the end and see God's hand through it all. But, somehow it is already March and my January letter is not written. So, here goes another late, but necessary (to me) letter. If no one else reads this, it's ok.

Last year started out hard. Really hard. My pastor of 20 years left the ministry and moved to Iowa. People that I have gone to church with my entire life (and were like family) started leaving by the bus loads. Family members were in the middle of huge crisis that spilled over to everyone. Friendships were being destroyed by sin and misunderstandings. It was just hard. There were lots of nights spent crying and praying and trying to understand.
But, the really cool thing is to look back at the entire year and see how God had his hand in all of it. We often have to go through extreme brokenness before we can fully realize God's healing power. This has been a year of sitting (or laying down) in the pain and brokenness and just waiting for what God was going to do. There were times that I doubted God (like he hasn't proven himself faithful to me over and over again). There were lots of times that I didn't understand and wanted answers! But, now I see how HE had plans far greater and far better than I could have asked or imagined.

As our church went through the mire and sustained attack after attack by the enemy, God walked beside us. When we felt that didn't have the strength or numbers to carry out His plan, God gave us strength. When our hearts were broken and our souls weary, God refreshed us. When things felt hopeless, God was our hope. Praise you, Lord, for your faithfulness to me, my family, my church, your people!
It is incredible to see where my church is now and how God is using the people we never would have expected to lead our body. God is using the people who don't feel they deserve it to bring about revival. I see God's Spirit moving and stirring things up and I am so excited to be part of that. I cannot wait to see what he has for our future. I know "He who started a good work, will bring it to completion." I am humbled and excited that God has chosen to use me as part of His plan of redemption.

I also have seen God bring redemption in hopeless situations where families were torn apart. It is a source of encouragement to me and praise to Him.

Ok, now on to the boring details of the year. I just couldn't let that other stuff go without being said....

Cory is still working with Ripley's and doing a great job! We are very thankful for how God has used this job to provide for our family. There are still struggles in this area and we continue to look for God's leading and direction, but we are thankful nonetheless. He truly does love all the weird and wacky stuff that comes his way. We also enjoy some of the perks that come along with having someone who works in the attraction industry. We have been fortunate enough to enjoy trips and outings to several places we never would have been able to afford before. Cory also continues to volunteer at church in the children's ministry. He is faithful and is always ready to serve wherever God calls him. I truly appreciate his servants heart (even when it annoys me).

I started going through the certification process for becoming a doula in March of 2011. This has been a dream of mine for about 7 years and I have been practicing occasionally throughout that time. But, this was the year to make this dream official. It was a time consuming and rigorous process. But, I did complete my training and I am officially certified through DONA International. If you have no idea what a doula is, feel free to check out my web site at www.teamworkbirthing.com (yes, shameless plug and advertisement). It took a while for things to get rolling, but I am now working with about 1 or more births a month. I love this job! My kids are now old enough to stay home by themselves when I need to go to a woman in labor and there is nothing as great as being paid to do what you are passionate about! So, when I started this process and our mortgage modification was approved, I was able to quit my part time job at the children's resale store. I was very thankful again for how God provided that job for a time, but I was so excited to be able to come back home! My heart never left my home and I couldn't wait to be back. I'm not sure if my kids were as excited because they had received a lot of freedom and had been playing a lot of video games. I came back and brought to a screeching halt some of the craziness.

Morgan is in 7th grade this year. She continued to take classes at Circle 2 days a week. However, now she is taking core curriculum classes instead of the "fun" stuff. But, she has done wonderful! She is such a first born, rule follower, perfectionist that I don't even have to ask her if she has completed her homework. The only problem here is that the work I assign is not as important to her as her work from Circle. But, we are getting there. She is still extremely social and usually the life of the party. She loves to be a leader and looks for any opportunity to do so.

Avery is in 6th grade. Due to our financial situation, the younger 3 kids all stayed home full time for school. Avery was completely fine with this decision. She is still a homebody and loves to be where she is comfortable. She is officially a middle-schooler now and has been attending the Youth Group at church. She seems to like it pretty well and sticks close to her sister or the few girls she knows well. She continues to do well at gymnastics and did join the team this year and went to the state competition where she did great! Avery's favorite thing to do all day is to give hugs. She is my loving girl and is always looking for some affection. This is one of my favorite things about her. She continues to have a sensitive and soft spirit and her heart hurts when those around her are hurting.

Sydney is in 4th grade and also home. This year, she has discovered her love for football. She loves to watch (especially GA or NE) and play. She actually has a really good throw and we are looking for a flag team to put her on. Her questions never stop. But, most of the time she walks away before they can even be answered. Or, she will ask several at the same time and you don't even know where to start. She is very inquisitive but doesn't always care to know the answer. I think sometimes she just likes to hear herself talk :) She is a very passionate person in everything in life. If I had a tenth of her energy, I would get twice the amount done in a day.

Jordan is in 2nd grade. He is ALL boy and would love to have a brother (he actually would like for his cousin to move in with us). He loves to play with LEGOs, anything involving a super hero, swords, etc... He has mastered the art of jumping from one piece of furniture to the next so that his feet never have to touch the ground. He also made the decision this year to ask Jesus in his heart! He got his first Bible only a couple weeks ago as well. He loves it and tells me all about what he read for the day. He also has started to fine tune his wit. He enjoys listening to any adult conversation in order to add his own 2 cents worth in a way to bring about laughter. He really is a pretty funny kid and keeps me on my toes.


One of the books I have been reading lately is 1000 Gifts. This book has an amazing ability to help you change your perspective and see all the gifts that God has given you everyday, all around. I would highly recommend this book to anyone. For me, it has helped me to not take for granted the many (more than 1000) gifts God has blessed me with. It has helped me to slow down, look around and be thankful. I am thankful for all God has done over this past year and I am thankful for what He is planning to do in 2012!

Vaca In NC

We were fortunate enough to be able to go to NC for a week with Cory's parents and stay at his aunt's cabin. The weather was amazing. The leaves were gorgeous. And, we had a great time! Here are a couple pics of the week.

We walked down to the stream at the bottom of the driveway and the kids all wanted to take a drink.

Apparently, Jordan needed a little help:)

Jordan walked back with Papa to "make sure he didn't die on the way up" :)
Our view from the porch


Two days, we headed to Gatlinburg, TN... This time, we went to the Ripley's Aquarium and Guinness Museum. Lots of fun!


Papa showed the kids a Pioneer village. The kids just love to pose together.


The same day, we ate lunch by this river that had an outlet from lots of rocks. So, we had to "walk on water". The kids started with their shoes on, then we chucked the socks, shoes and rolled up our jeans. Eventually, Cory and I joined in. The water was cold and the rocks slimy, but all the kids said it was their favorite part of the day!


The guys spent a couple days working in the yard and cutting down dead trees and hauling limbs down the mountain. The kids jumped in to help, but Jordan especially thought he was just "one of the guys".


Driving over the mountain from Gatlinburg to Dillsboro


Our 2nd day in Gatlinburg, we had a lot of fun going to Ober Gatlinburg. At the top of this mountain (taken there by tram), we were able to go ice skating, flume slide down the mountain, chair lift, and other fun stuff. We went there on Avery's birthday and we all had a grand time.





At the end of the day, we headed to Pizza Hut (her choice) for dinner and I told her to stand on the chair so I could sing Happy Birthday to her. After dinner, I asked the entire restaurant to sing along with me :) On her way out the door, one of the tables called her over, said "Happy Birthday" and handed her $5! See, it sometimes pays off to have an embarrassing mom.


All in all, we had a really fun, relaxing trip. One of my prayers was answered when Cory did not have any cell phone service at the cabin and could not communicate with work very often. I didn't realize what a pain it would be for me not being able to update facebook and talk to my friends :) I guess I needed a break from that too.

My ever changing normal

Almost 2 years ago, I started working part time at a kids resale store. I remember so vividly how the impact of the idea of working outside the home hit me. I cried and cried. I could no longer call my self a "stay at home mom" like I had for 10 years. I had no idea what this would look like in our home or how we would pull it off.

For 5 months, I worked during the day and Cory did the homeschooling. When Cory started working as well, we had to adjust again. I went to nights 4 nights a week and he was working all day. Figuring out child care was an ongoing challenge. We started giving our kids more responsibility and freedoms.

The adjusting and depending on others to help so much was very difficult but we finally got into a rhythm. We figured out (most of the time) how to make this new life work.
We waited and waited and waited for our mortgage company to offer us a modification. We started the process over countless times. I spent entire days on the phone being transferred from one dept to another and being told something different each time. I was frustrated and at my wits end. I knew in my heart that God's timing is far better than mine but my head did not always listen.

Well, after much back and forth, we did receive an offer and with our new payment amount, I am able to quit my job and return home.

I am so thankful for the job God provided for me and the great boss and co-workers I had the opportunity to work with. But now I am excited to come home to my kids.
I also am looking forward to building my doula business and pursuing a long time passion and dream of mine. I love that the doula work will still allow me to be home most of the time and to get paid doing something I love.

It has been a hard and stressful couple of years for our family. I am so thankful that our bumpy road is coming to some smooth pavement. I know there will be potholes in the future and we may even have some off road experiences. But, for right now, I am enjoying the ride.

Easter

We had a great Easter just relaxing and spending time with family.

Valentine's Day

We have made it a tradition to have a Valentine's Dinner as a family. We all dress up and the boys pick up the girls for dinner. We love having a "fancy" dinner with our kids and being able to share the holiday with other families.

Doula, Doula, Doula

Ok, NOW I am actually pursuing this. If you have been a reader of my blog, you might remember this post talking about me pursuing my dream of becoming a Doula. Well, as for most things in my life, my timing was not exactly on. So, now almost 2 years later, I am going for it. I am hoping to attend my DONA training in March (3 days long) and attend 3 births of friends by October. During that time I will also need to read 5 books about Doulas, labor, delivery and postpartum care. I will need to attend a childbirth and breastfeeding class. On top of all that, I am required to write a 500-1000 word essay on the value and purpose of labor support. It feels a little overwhelming to take on, but I am planning for most of the work to take place during the Summer when I won't have to worry about school or Girl Scouts.

I am so excited and I cannot wait to have this opportunity to be a part of one of God's greatest miracles.

An Unsure Future

We have not even hit the end of January and this year already feels so unsure. Some days I don't think about it all, other days my head is spinning.

It is just one of those times where I am reminded again how NOT in control I am of my life and what goes on around me. From our home to our church to our families to our schooling. Things are just unsure.

We continue in the process for a Home Modification because of the 16 months of unemployment for Cory. We are still not sure what our monthly payments will be and we are not sure how that is all going to work out. But, the thought of leaving the neighborhood and community we are part of scares me to death.

My Pastor of 20 years just announced his resignation a couple weeks ago at my church. Although I am excited for this new phase of life for him and his family, it is hard to imagine what our church will look like without their family. We also had the air conditioners stolen last week and the entire body seems to be in a state of uncertainty. I don't know what the future holds. I don't know if we will be able to sustain the money needed to keep our building. I have attended this church since I was 4 years old and my heart aches for the trials it has endured.

Different members of my family are going through different life-changing events. I want to be the support, I want to be the shoulder, but I feel ill equipped and out of time to spare.

We have been part of the same Christian/Homeschool School for 5 years and my plan was to stay there for the remainder of my children's schooling. However, next year seems impossible for us to stay where we are. So, now we are looking at other options and not sure what that looks like for our family. I feel guilty with the possibility of moving my kids from their friends, I want them to be part of a school that will allow them to succeed and my options are minimal.

Life feels unsettled and unsure. I just want to know if it is going to feel this way till I get to Heaven or if there will be a time of rest before I leave this Earth. Trying to rest in His Sovereignty. Trying to "not worry about tomorrow because tomorrow has enough worries of it's own". Trying to live out what I know to be true. Right now, I am tired.

2010

As I reflect back over this last year, I am amazed at God's provision. After Cory being without a job for 15 months, he was hired as the Operations Manager of the Orlando location of Ripley's Believe It Or Not. It was such a cool way that this all came together that we know it could only be God. The couple months before this job Cory had started working part-time at Home Depot from 4-8 in the morning and part-time at another manual labor job from 9-4. I was still working part-time 4 days a week. It was a VERY difficult couple months for us and we rarely saw each other. I think this made the new job even that much more appealing.

This job has been an extreme answer to prayer and Cory is doing great. I am still working at a local children's resale store and teaching at a part-time Christian School. I am now working night/weekend shifts so that I can do school with the kids during the day. Our lives still feel crazy and we still cherish those evenings when we are all home and have no other commitments. But, we do feel like we are getting used to this rhythm of life.

Morgan is in 6th grade this year, so it is her 1st year as a "Middle Schooler". She was super excited to be able to join the Youth Group at church. I had been teaching the 2 year old Sunday School class at church for several years, but decided to make a change to join Morgan in Youth ministry this year. She actually was fine with me moving with her. With Cory getting a job and me continuing to work, her responsibility load increased a good bit. I often have to leave for work a couple hours before Cory gets home and Morgan now is "in charge" during that layover time. We are very fortunate to have 3 different families around the corner if she ever needs help. But, she is in charge, makes dinner and keeps order when there are no parents here. I have been so impressed to see her take on such a huge role in our family. Along with this new responsibility, she has decided that her opinions should have the same weight as her mom and dad. That doesn't always work out for her :) She loves attending school on Tuesdays and is very ready to get back to school in January to see her friends.

Avery is in 5th grade. If you ever want to know how divide things exactly evenly or to make sure that everyone gets their fair share, you should just ask Avery. She lives up to that "middle child" stereotype to a T. She loves gymnastics and continues to be asked about joining Team. She is not a competitive girl at all, but the gym she is at now gives her the comfort level to perhaps join a Team in the future. She is about as creative as they come. This year for Christmas she decided to make name plates for every cousin and sibling in the family. When, I say make... I mean from scratch with hot glue, paper, sequins, ribbon, beads, pipe cleaners, bendaroos, foam and anything else she could find in the house. They all turned out so cute and the parents loved them as much as the kids. She turned 10 in October and her and mommy had a weekend away birthday celebration and "had the talk" just like Morgan last year.

Sydney is in 3rd grade and thinks that most days of school are easy. She is very smart and breezes through most things I give her. She is still the most inquisitive and blunt kid I have ever known. As I think into her future, the most obvious job title I foresee is Investigative Reporter. She is listening to every conversation (even when you think she isn't). She wants all the facts and wants to share those facts with anyone that will listen. Her famous tag line when someone walks in our door is... "Why are you here?". I never said she was tactful. She would much rather play super hero than house and will hold strong to what she believes no matter who is trying to convince her different. She is a spit-fire and a love bug rolled into one.

Jordan is in 1st grade and loves to be the baby of our family. He finally learned to tie his shoes this year with much disappointment. He would much prefer to not know how and have someone else do it for him. He looks for any opportunity to have another boy around. He is so glad that there are 3 in the same neighborhood and friends who will take him in for a day and night. He will complain to me that there is nobody to play with and when I suggest his sisters, he will look straight at me and say... "A BOY, Mom!". He comes up with some of the greatest sayings and likes to use the word "defeat" in as many sentences as possible (like "Mom, how does water DEFEAT hiccups?"). He could talk to you all day about Mario and Luigi and he loves to play baseball when ever he has the chance.

This year has also brought another loss to our family... my sweet grandma Carnefix passed away in May. She was an amazing woman. My kids were blessed and fortunate to have a relationship with their great-grandmother. She loved to have sewing class and tea parties with the girls. Her wisdom and teaching on Eternity and Prayer impacted my walk with the Lord and I will never forget her.

Earlier in May, I went on my very first missions trip. I went with a team from my church to Bosnia for 10 days to minister to the families of the missionaries in that region. Our team facilitated a children's program for all the missionary kids. We had fun and worked hard. It was also my first time out of the country and we were lucky enough to have a layover in Vienna on the way home. It was so much fun to be able to see sights and walk through the city. I look forward to going back one day with my husband!

This was also our 2nd year being a Girl Scout family. I am a Troop leader and our girls went from 14 girls last year to 28 this year! We have Kindergarten through 6th grade and have lots of fun together. We are looking forward to 3 camping trips this year!!

It has been a busy year full of ups and downs. We learn more and more about releasing control of our lives and trusting God's plan and direction. It does not always look pretty or the way we expect, but we know His plan is better than ours.

Christmas Morning

Opening Stockings on Christmas Morning...

The only person in our family who thought the dog needed a present was Avery. She is such an animal lover!!



After opening all presents downstairs, we had one surprise present upstairs from Mimi and Papa... A WII! They were so excited. This is the kids opening some of the games.

Twas the Week before Christmas...

And all through house, everyone was puking, just missed my blouse.
The stockings were hung on the wall with care,
Better be sure it's all even and fair.
The children took turns sleeping on mom and dad's floor,
In hopes that there would be puking no more.
And ma' in her sweats and dad on the pot,
Complaining his stomach sure hurt a lot.
When in the oldest's room there arose such a clatter,
I ran down the stairs to see what was the matter.
Away to the bathroom, I flew like a flash
When I opened the door, I heard a big splash.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
The toilet being missed and the splash far and near.
With a hunched over child calling, "Come quick",
I knew in a moment.. another one is sick.
The next morning, in my room they all came,
And I whispered and uttered each child by name;
Now Morgan! Now Avery! Now Sydney! Now Jordan!
We have to kick this sickness before Christmas mornin'
To the vitamin C, to the hydrating water!
Go my young son and my 3 daughters!
And, then in a twinkling, I heard down the stairs,
The screaming and fighting of which one is theirs'.
As I drew in my head and was turning around,
Down the stairs I came running with a bound.
They were not dressed or ready at all,
They still were in PJs from the big to the small.
I said not a word, just gave them a look,
When they got bored, I said "read a book".
And putting their finger inside of their nose,
they heard the exclaiming of "No!" and my woes.
We spent the day making and wrapping our presents,
We ended the evening by being quite pleasant.
Although it's not perfect and not everything is right,
Merry Christmas to all and to all a Good Night!!

Hanukkah