Show Me the $$!!

Well, I have completed my required births for my certification and read all the books I need to. I will start attending the Childbirth Education classes in 2 weeks and I still need to write my essay on the value of a doula. I feel like the end is near. But, I also feel anxious. Now, I actually have to find clients who find the value of a doula to be high enough to hire me :) I have invested money, lots of time and hard work to get through this certification. I just hope that it was all worth it. I would be a doula for free anytime if I could. But, I know that would not work out to well for my family. I am nervous and excited to see what the future holds.

Double Header

No, not 1 baby with 2 heads... 2 births back to back :)

Sunday afternoon around 2 I get a call from my client letting me know she is at the hospital and being admitted for labor. So, I get myself and my stuff together and head out. When I arrived she was having good, strong contractions that were fairly close together. She was waiting for a room to open up on the labor/delivery floor. While she waited, she could not get the epidural that she was anticipating. So, we started working hard on relaxation and focal techniques. It didn't take long for her to discover that she could work through this contractions in a productive way. After a couple hours, she was moved to the correct floor and her anesthesiologist was in the room in minutes. Once the epidural was in place, mom relaxed a little. Luckily, her labor continued to progress on it's own and by 10:30 that night she was ready to start pushing. She welcome her little girl into the world at 11:30 p.m. Mom did great work and both her and baby were healthy and alert. After getting cleaned up, baby returned to mom and she was able to nurse for the first time. I was able to assist in positioning and latching techniques and things to go very smoothly.

About 1:15 in the morning I was on my way out of the hospital.

As I was walking to the car, I received a text from another client letting me know that they were on their way to their hospital.

So, I hopped in the car and drove to that hospital and met my 2nd client for the day. She was already 5cm dilated and doing a wonderful job at relaxing through the contractions. She was moved to a labor room where she continued to work through the pain beautifully! By the time she got to 7 cm, she was ready for an epidural. Because of the excitement of what was coming, she was not able to get any sleep even after the epidural. Her body also progressed well without pitocin and she was complete by 8:45 a.m. However, baby was still fairly high up. So, nurse had her practice pushing a couple times and then decided to let her "labor down" for a little while since she had the epidural. She did this for 2 1/2 hours and contractions started to lessen in frequency and intensity. So, she was given some pitocin to help move the baby down. 1/2 hour later, she was ready to start pushing and within 30 minutes, she was holding her new baby. She was able to delay the cutting of the cord and had the baby laid directly on her chest as they cleaned him up. Within several minutes, mom had the opportunity to attempt breastfeeding.

I was completely exhausted by the time I headed home at 2 p.m. But, I truly can say that I do not wish it was any different. I loved every minute and I'm excited about my next client that was due 3 days ago.

loneliness...

is a word that we all can relate to. although, it can take on so many forms.
there is physical loneliness when you truly are isolated from the rest of the world.
there is emotional loneliness when you feel alone even with loved ones around.
there is spiritual loneliness when you allow your soul to drift away from God.
there is loneliness in specific areas of your life when you feel like no one else understands what you are going through.
there is loneliness in the loss of life of someone you love.
there is loneliness in the loss of friendships that have been instrumental in your life.

right now, mine is where i am in life. i have been here before. i started having kids very early in our marriage (i was only 21 when the first one was born). all my friends were still going to college or waited several years before starting a family. the first 5 years of my kids life felt very lonely. i couldn't just drop everything and go like everyone else i knew could. while other's talked about their careers and school, i was changing poopy diapers and pregnant.
as my kids grew, things got easier. my last was on his way while everyone else was just getting started. but, they were all pre-school and i started homeschooling, so our lives meshed well.
now, my kids are older. i am still homeschooling. most of the people i know will have their kids in school next year. i am beginning to get involved with the youth group at church while my friends are just getting started with elementary school. i don't have any friends my age with kids my age. i don't have any friends that i can do school with or play hookie and head to the beach with.
i was watching home movies yesterday and i was overwhelmed with sadness at how many people in the videos are no longer part of my life or my children's lives. i know change is inevitable. i know i shouldn't expect things to always be the same. but, right now i am mourning over the loss. and, i am nervous about the future. i don't want to look back 10 years from now and feel the same loss over the people who are part of my life now.

i know the truth and i know that God has plans for my family and for me that are far greater than i know. i have to choose to trust him even when loneliness looms overhead.